Meaning.

Fittingly after a blog post called "A Quick Blog On Studying", I've been studying lots. Hence the lack of updates. I have essays to write, it turns out. I have written about 4000 words; another 3000 to go this term. 1 IR essay finished (2000 words), 1 IR essay in process (1000 words in), 1 IR essay to go (total 2000 words), 1 Philosophy essay finished. And they say student life is a dos!!! (Well, okay, it is. As proven by the fact I've finished watching the entire first season of Prison Break, and been out a whole lot. But when it needs to be, it is intense!)

I want to just quickly say a couple of words about Philosophy. Actually, just one word: goodbye. You were fun while you lasted...

Somewhat melodramatic, I know. I did write a pretty good essay about what it is to be a consistent self, and its necessity for human social function, regardless of its truth. But in all honesty, I'm finding it all really pointless - nothing to do with the course (my lecturer is pretty amazing too), just my response to subject matter, I guess. In the words of B.B. King, the thrill is gone, baby. It's aloof, and that's not as fun as it used to be...

I do realise that this is in itself, a philosophy on philosophy, and I also realise I'm sounding somewhat Nietzschean (if not Utilitarian) when I talk about "meaning", a concept of "worth". And anyone who knows me knows I don't agree with these views at all. I am a firm believer in art for art's sake, as an end in itself. A work of art's worth is found in its beauty, not its use. And I can't stand Analytic Philosophy at all, because it says nothing. But it's probably that my interests have just changed. Let me illustrate, by telling you about some people.

Firstly, there is Gary. Gary lives by Brighton train station. By that, I mean, he lives usually by the railing outside the shop next to the train station, or on the pavement outside the pub opposite, until the Police move him on again. He's been homeless for about 6 months now, after getting in a row with his girlfriend, and the other morning, he woke up with bruises he didn't know how he got. But things are looking up. He's found a little bit of work with the Big Issue, and with a couple of hours left tonight till he can get enough money for some presentable shoes and for 5 copies of the Issue, things aren't looking so bad. A lot better than when I first met him a couple of weeks ago.

Then there is Mo, or Peter, to use his real name. I rushed past him outside Sainsbury's and ignored him because I needed to pee. The Holy Spirit convicted me at the urinal. I went outside and bought a copy, and just asked him how his day was going. It was going pretty bad. Across the road from Sainsbury's is a Subway, so I helped him across the street (he's on crutches with a broken foot) bought him a sandwich, and we chatted for about an hour about his family and his girlfriend, who'd just left the country. I couldn't do much, but I invited him to come to church the next day. I haven't seen him since, but he was a genuinely lovely guy, I really hope it's okay. He seemed really eager to come. He'd tried to kill himself that week.

Then there's Dan. I met him outside the bus stop one night. He didn't have enough money to get the bus, but he thought he'd get on anyway. He's got a small flat out in the sticks, but he cant work, because he was in a road accident 5 years ago that left him unable to move easily (both feet severely damaged). He can't claim compensation because it was hit and run. I asked if it was okay to pray for him, and he told me about his family and asked me to pray for them too. So we did.

Some facts about homelessness:
1. There are some people who do choose to become homeless. They can't stand being inside 4 walls, they like the freedom being in a big city, they can change the people they live with easily, and they can adapt to the cold. Nobody I've spoken to said that this was them, but a few have mentioned they knew people that this was true for. Didn't know that.
2. Brighton's not a bad place to be homeless. Most days, you won't starve - in a city this big, there'll be some project or something going on in the evening. In the summer, it's quite pleasant, although obviously in the winter it gets harder.
3. You can't stay in a hostel unless you have "connections" - either you have direct blood relatives in the city, or have been "spotted" for about 5 years. This is a major issue, as Brighton and London are the two biggest places where people move to to be homeless (it's easier here than in other cities).
4. Most homeless people are really good people, facing horrible situations. I don't condone every lifestyle choice the people I've met have made, but the fact is people have made worse choices and been better off. It's nothing they deserve, per sé. Most are at the least genuinely friendly.

Sandy, I met at Friend's First, which is the Church's homeless outreach project on Monday nights. Sandy is a dude, straight, lovely, just likes to cross-dress. He was very gentlemanly, we had a good conversation. And Jesus loves him. He's on the Alpha course, and for more than the free food. He's genuinely interested, and made a lot of friends at CCK. He's just recently found a place to stay for the next 6 months or so.

The point of all this? This is what I'd rather be doing. By far. Meeting people. Helping wherever I can, building genuine relationships. Acting justly, loving mercy, walking humbly with my God. This is much much much much much more meaningful, for me, than sitting in a dark room at 9am on a Tuesday morning debating Cartesian dualism. There are more pressing matters at hand, surely.

And yes, IR as a discipline is just as self-involved, academic and impractical. But that's fine. It's a tool. It's a degree that will help me in the future to act justly in whatever career path I go down. And it touches on important issues, which means I can put up with it more than Philosophy. So next term, I'm doing a module in Development Studies, and, for at last 6, 8 months, I won't be doing Philosophy.

End.