A Year In Psalms: Introduction

It's been a while since I wrote - exam season is on us in full swing, my wall is covered with Post-Its outlining theories of regional integration and what a strange man Henry Kissinger was, but with Monday comes my last exam, which marks the official end of my first year.

There are lots of ways I could chart the year and how I've grown through it and such, and yeah, that's the apparent point of this blog. But I thought the best way to do that would be to go through 4 Psalms which have transformed me this year; ones which keep appearing and have sustained me in helping me love Jesus more and more, especially when, due to my fallen nature, it's been hard.

Psalms are most impressive because they were sung, and the nature of songs is that they collect in and actually powerfully influence the indivdual and collective psyche. Songs sticks. Give it a few years, no-one will remember the MP's expenses scandal, but everyone will remember Beyoncé's "Single Ladies". Even up until a few hundred years ago, people sung the Psalms and knew them intimately; today people can cite "The Lord is My Shepherd" and maybe one or two others, but for people who sung them, they shaped peoples' thinking and theology; for those who sung them with fervour, the Psalms shaped a heart willing to position itself towards the throne of Christ.

This is why the Psalms have changed me so much: they take the reader to the foot of the cross, either obviously or not, and bare a soul honestly and openly, in reverence but not shame, in holy fear but with boldness, in adoration and honesty. As well as David, Asaph, Israelites and old Christendom, Jesus would have sung these songs and known them fervently. God Himself in human flesh sung to God the Father, God sang these songs to God - and we get to share the same songs for our own heart's direction!

So, this will start on Tuesday morning, finishing on Friday, with a big crescendo. But, for now, food, sleep and Heroes awaits...

1 Week, 5 Solas.

Hello! It feels good to be back. I took a break for Easter, just so I could not write for a while. I think it's important to not push writing, so that it's a chore, but encourage and foster, so it becomes a challenge and discipline. In there, there is a key distinction. Maybe I'll elaborate on that someday.

So I have had the craziest week and a half in ages. It's half past midnight, which means I've actually only been back at Uni for 6 days, but it feels like a good few weeks. It's good that I'm back into the full swing of things. Last week (feels so long ago!) my one and only brother got engaged to his girlfriend Christina, so that's been amazingly happy times, and I'm very proud of him and very excited for him. The Watkins clan is small, there are 6 of us in our extended family, and 2 of those aren't Watkinses. So, 4 Watkinses, now soon 5. This is a growth rate of 25%pa, which is good by any standards.

This week as well I had 2 essays due. Actually, to go back a bit, the engagement thing was fun, because Ben had been asking me for some while if I'd go and celebrate it at his house, and I told him I couldn't because of work, money, time, etc. Turns out I could, and did, and surprised him! I think I won some good brother points there. And got to hang out with Christina, who is awesome. She's so cool. We will one day surprise Ben, sit on him, and read Foucault at him until he taps out, and it will be amazing.

Anyway, essays. 2000 words on Vietnam, 2000 words on conceptualising the world in regions, due Wednesday and Thursday respectively. In all honesty, I only began work on them in earnest a few days before I got back, so it's my own fault. Also, I preached a short (well, 20 minutes... that's long if you're a Baptist) sermon this morning, which I had to prepare for, out of a text that wasn't obvious to exegete. My "thing" is that everything is about Jesus, everything is the gospel, and when I say my thing, it's not really my thing; it's Spurgeon's thing, it's Lloyd-Jones's thing, it's Calvin's thing, it's Luther's thing, it's Jesus' thing. My text given to preach on was the story of David and Goliath. So I spent a lot of time in prayer and preparation for preaching it as a gospel, Christ-boasting, cross-centred sermon. I'll paste my notes up soon, that's a different story.

Yet, the thing I've found in all of this mass chaos, is I've been so content. I was chatting about this with Poppy, my coursemate. I don't think I've had this much work to do since Uni began - on top of essays are readings, ongoing research projects and looming future deadlines. But at the same, I don't think I've been this relaxed or had this much fun. I've been out most nights (Monday, clubbing, ace, Tuesday, Alpha, ace - 107 guests!, Wednesday, stayed in, Thursday, played bass at Students meeting, etc), and I've managed to do my work and do it well. All of this to say: this is Reformed theology in action.

Orthodoxy by definition should lead to orthopraxis, that is, right doctrine should lead to right practice, if not, we've failed. And I think my week has been a living example of the beautiful Reformed doctrine of the five solas:

1. Sola Fide (By Faith Alone). This week, I have had deadlines looming, and choices to make. For example, I decided to take on preaching job, even though I knew this week was busy. But I was confident that God was telling me to do it, so I had to trust in him. When writing essays, I had to trust in him that he would provide me with arguments and words and eloquance...

2. Sola Gratia (By Grace Alone), all of which not came from works or earning it, through hard prayer or holy living, but as a grace of God, freely given gift of time, energy, passion, ability, strength, wisdom, courage, etc. When I could not cope with work in my own strength, it got dealt with! It was an act of God's grace upon my life. Which in turn, could not happen except...

3. Sola Scriptura (By Scriputre Alone) through the revealed God of the Bible. Because I know God is faithful to his word, to provide for his people when they call out in distress, that those who look to him are radiant, (Psalm 34), I could trust him for all my academic and other needs. The perspicuity and sufficiency of scripture give confidence to hold fast, to...

4. Solo Christo (Through Christ Alone) JESUS. The only way that a combination of faith and grace, as revealed in Scripture, could bring me to the Father, who satisfies my needs, provides me with seas to paddle in and ice creams to eat, and a substitutionary penal atonement in Christ. It is in the risen power of Christ Jesus, who has then given the Holy Spirit to me as helper, that I was able to accomplish anything this week. It was only through the revelation of Jesus Christ that anything I did had any significance or meaning. And that is to say,

5. Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone). All of the above, as an act of worship to God my Father, acceptable through the blood of Jesus Christ, emboldened by the power of the Holy Spirit.

And now, I'm off to sleep sola gratia, sola fide, solo Christo, sola scriptura, soli Deo gloria, amen.

Notes From Tim Smith (14/03/09)

This weekend, Pastor Tim Smith from Mars Hill Church in Seattle came and spoke at the Worship School that Simon's been running over the last academic year. I would probably liken it to when Driscoll came and spoke at the conferences, but on a smaller scale to a specific ministry department, pointing out the elephant in the room and moving us forward by a significant amount. Also, as well as having good taste in music and an ex-member of Frodus in his band, he recommended Demon Hunter to a room full of worship leaders and elders. He is a good man.

Anyway, I took an unnecessary amount of notes, as I am prone to doing (thank you OneNote), something like 8 pages worth over 3 seminars and a Q&A. I can send the full docx to anyone who wants it (e-mail me), but I thought it would be worth putting a very condensed version up here:

Worship and the Glory of God

In John 4, Jesus fulfills 1000s of years of corporate worship, and moves worship from a time and place to in Spirit (as in, God the Holy S) and in Truth. Cannot bring glory to God except through regeneration, with the Spirit at work within. The implications are, therefore, to abide in Christ, continually, as his presence is with us continually, through his gathered and scattered people. When we come to a worship time, then, we do not go to worship, but we come worshipping. It is only through God's initiation, via. special or natural revelation. The point is: God draws us, at all times, for his glory.

But what is glory? Greek word, doxa, means more than our English encapsulates (see: glory, glorious, honour, praise, dignity, worship, splendour, brightness, magnificence, excellence, pre-eminence, grace, majesty, blessedness, to extol, to celebrate, lustre, renowned, illustrious, worth, exalted). God's glory, in the beginning, is perfect, continual and Trinitarian. God brings glory to God. Man's glory is finite, limited, and because he is made in God's image. Sin enters, teaches people same sin of Satan - self-glory over God. Either pride - self-glory - or idolatry - glory of things that are created. But then Jesus, doxa incarnate, comes, and is nailed to a cross. This is his most glorious moment, despite it looking strangely like defeat. He is then risen, by and through and to God's glory. Our response, see the Westminster Catechism - to bring glory to God. This is the meaning of life. Our work in outreach or in worship or evangelism - point to God's glory. Finally, in eternity, we will fully know as we are fully known, knowing the fully revealed doxa of God, which lights up the whole of heaven. As 2 Corinthians 3 says, we are being transformed from one degree of doxa to the next. How does this work? We simply reflect his own doxa back to him, nothing of our own, and in doing so, we are transformed by the Spirit to look more like him. Honour him with hearts and mouths, giving vent to the full range of affections. We must laugh, must weep, hate, rejoice, desire, fear, cry, raise hands, all in Spirit, all in Truth.

Everyone comes worshipping with baggage - most people create an anti-theology, being defined by what we are not. For example, Mars Hill set out not wanting to look like most US charismatic churches, so there's a big emphasis on the cross, big emphasis on the weightiness of glory (see CS Lewis), on intellectual and not just emotional responses to God. NewFrontiers has a different background - we don't want to look like dead, liturgical, overly intellectual churches, so we are very free. But, we need to get out of the cul-de-sac, because there is more to God than just the Holy Ghost Party every week. We killed God. That's a good reason to feel heavy. Needs to be a multi-faceted journey of praise, otherwise it's an unbalanced picture of what true worship looks like in the day-to-day. This is our job - to respond to the glory of God in every circumstance of life.

Missional Worship

Syncretism and sectarianism are both bad. Culture is merely the expression of people - it's a natural thing. Paul at Mars Hill (in Greece, not Seattle, or even Grand Rapids) quoted the Athenian poets, cites their worship statements, and actively engages - not relying on second or third hand knowledge - in the marketplaces and synagogues, arguing Christ from their culture. It is not passively accepted or passively dismissed - it is actively engaged with. We need to do the same, doing 3 things:

- Receive anything not counter to the gospel (musical styles, technology, aesthetic values
- Reject anything counter to the gospel (individualism, self-centred styles of expression, me me me songs, any mediatory function of music, e.g. synth pads = Holy Spirit moves!!!, cultural imperialism
- Redeem objects of sinful worship for the glory of God (the form of the pop song, rock concert production, the style of the rock band, music culture).

There are two gaps for the non-believer to cross: the gap of culture and the gap of the gospel. We must do everything in our power to bridge the cultural gap so that people hear the gospel without the cultural baggage we add on to it. It's much better for the unbeliever to stumble on Christ than on rubbish music or weird Christianese responses. Perpetual reinvention until Christ comes again. Roman Catholics saw the Roman marches, poles, processions, etc, and contextualised. They failed to ever contextualise again. Our truth is non-negotiable, our methods always are.

7 Marks of Missional Worship:
1. Doxological. God's glory is the greatest motivation for everything we do. All else serves this purpose.
2. Head and heart worship.
3. Liturgical. We take people on a journey. Constantly crafting route.
4. Instructional. Every step is explained. This is why we sing. This is what a tongue or a prophecy is. Sometimes just good to be silent, explain - we're going to be silent and feel the weight of sin because we killed Jesus.
5. Bands, not 'leaders'. This is Smith "and not the Lord" (to quote Paul), but we better contextualise the gospel with bands, there is consistency, whereas groups of musicians are usually playing catch up, less unity, less good.
6. Quality. GOOD music. Can't expect people to see hearts if your music is not good! Hearts in the right place, but the fingers aren't. Otherwise, less likely to give you a hearing.
7. Mixed musical influences. Modern culture has to be PRIMARY reference point for music. Denomination history, classic hymns, songs within movement are good but should be supplementary. Music-referential, not just tradition. Goal is to proclaim Jesus in a way that draws others to him.

Building Missional Bands

The Mars Hill purpose statement: "We exist to magnify the glory of Jesus in the hearts of the church that we lead with music and production." Magnify the glory of Jesus = see his glory. In the hearts = should move us. Of the Church = particular people. Lead = leadership as service - not just a house band! With music and production = tools not ends.

The larger you grow, the less realistic it is you'll be able to do worship bands relationally, through a direct personal connection. Needs become greater. 3 stage process at MHC:

1. Assessment: Joel Brown and Tim Smith in central team have influence over what is and isn't a Mars Hill worship band. Campus pastors (:associate pastor) oversee local campus identity, including bands. 23 independent bands. Each band is attached to a campus. There are bands that Tim hasn't seen! Has to be done relationally to the needs of the campus. Prerequisite that they have a campus connection from beginning.

2. Training. Broken down by statements. Magnify glory of Jesus, etc, assignments for each bit. 3 main books: Unceasing Worship, Harold Best, Worship Matters, Bob Kauflin, Desiring God/When I Don't Desire God, John Piper. Mixture of assignments. e.g., read chapter, answer questions. Mixture of theological questions, practical assignments (e.g. Attend a concert - receive, reject, redeem), musical assignments (songwriting, etc). Assigned a sponsor - seasoned band leader - walking them through it all. Record demo, big or small. Ideal musician has been in a mainstream band, has toured, lived out playing quality music by the world's standards, then gotten fed up with that, then gotten a job, gotten married, and want to serve.

3. Implementation. Small stage trials (not a Sunday). Then green light to lead on a Sunday, with all but one song of the first few sets from a Meat and Potatoes list of 25 songs (a mix of hymns, originals and covers) that work at MHC and define it. No total rearrangements, no sets of total new songs. All bands still use at least 1/2 songs from the Meat and Potatoes list every week.

*****
To end, just a personal note: as well a gifted preacher and an all-round funny dude, he is incredibly kind. Having spent the last year geeking out on the Mars Hill site downloading their music library (legally) and listening to bands, I spoke to him after the second keynote about one or two of the bands, and any plans to release full lengths and whether I could buy some. He just gave me some! (As a side-note, the Rain City Hymnal is far more accessible than most people back home will assume, the Easter Sunday disc is upbeat, yes, loud, but also incredibly moving, and the Good Friday disc is weird and dark and kinda scary, but that's fitting.) He's a great guy, it was a privilege to hear him speak.

Week 9 Blues (And Radiance)

I have no idea how I coped with full terms last year. It's nearly the end of week 9, and I am so sleepy, it's crazy. Maybe it's because I haven't actually been home since before the New Year, but I'm nearly ready to be home, even if that means sleeping on a sofa for 3 weeks (here's hoping that doesn't happen).

Here's what's gotta happen before I do: 1 week 1 day (or 9 hours of teaching) till term ends. Then I stick around for a week, because on the Sunday after I'm leading a Host Team in the evening and doing some worship with the kids work in the morning and I should probably be around for those. I have 2 essays to ideally finish before I go home, if not, at least make some serious headway on. Blah blah blah, yeah yeah yeah, boring. I also get to lead worship a whole load before I go home for a break from that business. I'm at the point now where I lead 2 or 3 times a week - at Celebrate Recovery* at CCK, which has been a real blessing and eye-opener to be involved with, at my small group most weeks, and at CU, where now that Jon Carroll, the other main worship leader, is now president, I lead a whole lot, or I get to be bringing people through, which is just as fun!

I say this all not to boast except to boast in the cross.

About a year ago, I felt hard done by if I had to lead more than twice in the same month. When I would get up to lead, I didn't feel particularly able or equipped, and struggled a whole lot with the whole thing. Looking back at how God used me, I am amazed that he did use me in the middle of some very patchy areas, only by his sheer grace was I able to point people to Jesus, the only one who can usher us into God's presence. Specifically, I remember in particular one Sunday when one of the elders had to both preach and lead worship. He had asked me to step up, and I knew God would have given me the grace and ability. But I said no. In short, there was a lot of stuff I said 'no' to I should've said 'yes' to, and a lot of stuff I said 'yes' to I should've said 'no' to.

BUT, by God's grace, this is learning. As part of worship leadership, as with any leadership of any size, I know that one day God will hold me accountable for the way I led back then. And it probably won't be great, which is why I can do nothing except to point to the cross. For whatever reason, God took a somewhat flaky, timid boy who couldn't really sing, and used him for his glory. A little bit like Gideon.

Anyway, enough of that. This week I've been songwriting a lot, which has been great. Some moody indie worship songs have come through, which is exciting. I can't wait to go back home and meet up with Alex and get some demos done up. I reckon I've got 10 (8 + an intro + a hymn), but a full-length might be a little bit premature right now. A boy can dream.

This Saturday, Tim Smith from Mars Hill is coming to speak at Worship School. I heard Tim preach when Driscoll was out of the pulpit (I love the internet), and he's a really good guy. I sort of aspire to be like him - good pastor, good songwriter, good beard. So I'll be taking notes like a massive geek through the whole thing and try blog them this weekend. Also, on Thursday I'm seeing Peter Doherty at the Brighton Dome, which should be an experience. He'll either be amazing, or completely off it - both of which would be entertaining. I'm excited. But not as excited as I am for Saturday, oddly.

All of this to say: this is what I've been meditating on lately. Psalm 34, "those who look to him are radiant / their faces are never covered with shame". In Uni work, out in the clubs, in every circumstance of life, there is radiance for those who will look to him. Their faces are never covered with shame - like Ps103, he does not treat us as our sins deserve. I'm not sure which of these is cause and effect - we are radiant, and he does not treat us as our sins deserve. No. He does not treat us as our sins deserve, our faces are never covered with shame, and because of this, we are radiant. All because we look to our God, and not ourselves. Or, if you're a Calvinist (which you should be), because God has turned our faces toward him. Hallelujah.

Okay, So I Promise...

This is going to be my last blog post where I start off with an apology or basically blog to fill air. But I concede that it is. Sorry.

So, quite simply: insurance people have been longer with my laptop than I anticipated, leading to Biblical manhood being demonstrated in authoritative tones on the phone interspersed with ridiculous hold music that clips and ruins phone speakers (result: because I hassled them they apoligsed profusely and are sending it at the end of this week, lesson: things get done when you take control, responsibility, leadership, etc.) and things like presentations and non-contributory essays taking longer and slightly more stress than usual (result: a lot more time spent in prayer with stuff like "Holy Spirit if you don't inspire me and go before me and open up the computer rooms before me I will genuinely explode", lesson: prayer works, God is good, essays aren't that hard). On top of this is a Birthday that is happening on Thursday but I've got my non-contrib deadline then, presentation day before, CCK student weekend away the few days after, next non-contrib to think about after then, so it's getting a bit lost in there. Oh well. Maybe I'll be 19 twice.

Anyway, I don't really have a lot to say, except I have a lot to say. Hence the non-blogging. Once the non-contribs are in, I will have lots of time to write more. So, I'm planning an adventure through some Psalms, and I'm halfway through writing a big essay for a friend on why we need the Wrath of God (short answer: because the Bible says so, so if we ignore it we#'re in idolotry, and because without it the cross becomes pretty pointless because while, yes, it's about our cleansing of sin it's also satisfying the law and the punishment and the justice of God - it is expiatory and propitiatory). So I'll probably post that up here, and that will probably be quite long. But probably more interesting than IPE. I was going to post some interesting stats on worship leading over the last year - a geeky graph to show how many times I used certain songs - but apparently I only ever used songs at most three times last year in a corporate setting. So that was both a waste of precious time spent tallying, and a weird shock. I thought I was far more predictable.

Back to the Stone Age

There are 3 things certain in life: death, taxes, and computers breaking. (That picture above is not my laptop, but it does look epic. I'd be proud if it was).

Not sure how, but my screen got cracked, which rendered it all somewhat unusable. So, while the insurance people are dealing with it, I'm in Arts C computer cluster typing away, feeling very very old school.

[Parents: Hello. Sorry. Don't worry. Really. DON'T WORRY. It's insured. the premium on the insurance is small. It won't take too long to fix. I can still get your e-mails. I can still do my work. I don't have deadlines this term anyway, and it should be back soon. But even if I did need to work lots on it, there is plenty of room in public computer rooms. So don't worry. Really. you don't have to worry.]

This laptop death (in that, it has gone somewhere I'm not entirely sure where is or what looks like, but is in actuality only an intermediatory state before all my house's longing is satisfied with its fully restored ressurection/glorification body after proper evaluation from an "expert") has, however given me some unexpected benefits. Here are 3:

1. Temporal benefits. Wow. It was insane how much time I wasted doing literally nothing on my laptop. Now I don;'t have it, I've got my reading done well in advance and have more time to mull things over, and be better prepared for classes. ~I nowe have more time for extra-curricular reading, which, ironically, has given me a whole load more to blog about.

2. Social benefits. Not that I was anti-social. But being laptop-less has got me to hang out, go for more coffees, more drinks with people, than I did before. Which is a lot more fun than Facebook chat (OMG LOL) was anyway. Score.

3. Focused benefits. Now, when I do make it into a computer room, I actually go with purpose and actually, get more done. I'm far, far more on task when I have to be.

That said, I can't wait to get it back. I miss the liberty brought with it, I miss my music collection, and I miss the fact that when I take notes, I could read them afterwards. But turns out that there was life before laptops...

The Unobserved Life

The unobserved life, Aristotle said, is not worth living.

So I apologise unreservedly for my pointless, blogless existence for the last month. Ish. I promised some end of year summaries and deep insights and evaluations. Instead, I had Christmas. Oops.

Anyway. This term, I have more time on my hands - I don't have any deadlines, except for two non-contrib essays, so blogging should be easier, init. On the other hand, I have a very busy term lined up (Birthdays, visits, weekends away, covert operations, etc, etc). We shall see. We shall see.

You might be wondering why this is going up at circa 2am. This is because sleep, at University, is actually incredibly selfish because it prevents others from partying. I was not aware of this, and have since repented of such gross injustice on my part. In all seriousness, I have come to realise the wisdom of my Dad before I went to uni: "don't be the party house, that's silly. The point is to go to other peoples' houses - all the party, but with less mess and more sleep". House 11, which is directly opposite my window, haven't learnt this. They were vomiting out of the windows, while bad 80's "ironic" pop was playing far, far too loud. To the point where I went and slept on the landing. Quality.

Sleeplessness aside, this term is shaping up to be ace (who says that anymore?), thanks to an overtly amazingly enthusiastic seminar tutor in one of my modules, and actually interesting stuff in the others. Except one. But oh well! I've learnt the hard lessons of last term - you don't need to read every last thing on the reading list; presentations are easier than you think; worse comes to worse, I'll probably still end up talking the most anyway - and am resolute in actually taking it a little bit easier. No unnecessary stress. Life has a knack of throwing that at you anyway, so don't let academia add anymore. Do as much as you need to do to get what you need, and then stop. Make time for Prison Break marathons. Seek first the kingdom and the rest will follow.

Long, long rests.

In other news, I've joined a gym, started cooking properly properly, and am actually being good with money. It only took a terms worth of lessons hard learned. I think that's pretty good for students.

Anyway, I am sleepy, so I will cut this short. But I will post more things later. I have exciting blog ideas. Maybe attempt a post-modern defence of Jesus (some Roman apologists defended Jesus with some funny mythology involving dragons, I assume defending Jesus from a post-modernist viewpoint will, historically, prove just as silly. But I might just have a go). Maybe Jesus and Wilde. I will also post some belated overdue end-of-year related musings and stats, and try put more pictures up. Words are boring. No-one likes words.

Unless that word is sleep.